The Collectionistas

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STARRING: Claudio Meloni’ Dora Venter’ Franco Trentalance’ Gabriel Montoya’ Jessica Fiorentino’ Lola Ferreri’ Mandy Emerson and Remigio ZampaCREDITS: Directed by Francesco FanelliMEMORABLE LINE: “I only have two passions’ antiques and women. Both are a pleasure.” Franco TrentalanceFashioned similarly to the bestselling New Age supernatural thriller (trash) “Celestine Prophecy” and “The Da Vinci Code”’ “The Collectionistas” looks like an epic toned down to its bony essentials’ peppered with sex’ sex and more sex. This Italian import may have one of the hottest porn stars in Europe but it can’t take away the fact that it’s gloriously half-baked! Leave it to Francesco Fanelli to come up with a movie that doesn’t make sense’ but still continue to harden the bone.By way of production technicalities’ I have some minor quibbles with this movie. The cinematography and lighting were topnotch but the dubbing is rough around the edges. I feel like I was watching Hong Kong chop-socky in downtown Chinatown. We know that this is porn and that we shouldn’t expect anything other than thrill seeking fucking. But I do appreciate it if there’s some story sense to be had. Though there’s an inherent story’ it’s barely there! “The Collectionistas” may have a clear beginning and a rather befuddling end’ but the middle is a complete mess. I get a feeling that the director was just venting his frustration over the material he has to work with.Baldini” (Franco Trentalance) is a suave treasure seeker in the guise of a learned archeologist’ who peddles his discoveries to the highest bidder. At the first scenes’ we find him digging up a grassy field to discover an old and ornate bas-relief’ on his first try! Supposedly this success is attributed to his intuition and thorough knowledge of any subject matter. Yeah’ right. Later on’ he and Claudio Meloni went down to someone’s basement posing as a secret chamber. There’ they unearth a pair of primitive-looking masks that we are supposed to believe to be priceless and powerful. (Either that or someone’s drunken purchase at Ebay). Later on’ shady characters’ who are oblivious to this discovery’ come out of the woodwork and pay a handsome price to track it. They try to woo “Baldini” to retrieve the masks. Like a snooty Hollywood actor’ however’ he simply gives them the cold shoulder. During this time’ the nagging question of why these items are so desirable is never answered. This supposed caper is what the movie revolves upon’ or what it appears like.There are also some hokey plot contrivances that were left glaringly open. The gorgeous bombshell Dora Venter acts as a double-crossing deal-busting girl. But we don’t really understand why she’s doing this. When she meets her fate in the end’ I only had to scratch my head in confusion. I still’ however’ managed to admire how nicely framed her scene was. The character of Gabriel Montoya even seems a mystery. Is he a go-between or another person’s lackey besides what we already know in the film? These are just a few of the big holes that would have been explained away as the movie progressed. But I shouldn’t really beat myself up’ this is a porn movie for chrissakes!Now going back to “Baldini”. As much as he likes antiques’ he is other passion – by virtue of this being porn – is his love for women. Every excuse the director makes to get him into in flagrant delicto with Dora and Jessica’ the director makes. Not that I’m complaining.The sex scenes are what I consider adequate. In fact’ they all seem to be following a certain pattern. The girl sucks the guy’s cock. Five to eight minutes later the guy returns the favor. Then they go on a reverse cowgirl and then a cowgirl. They then go to a mish or anal spooning. Soon after’ the girl milks the guy’s cock of ball gravy. Shift to the next expository scene.Franco’s sex scene is mildly hot’ but the other “joes” perform more admirably than him. Special mention goes to Remigio Zampa whose gargantuan boner filled the holes of sassy Dora before her untimely exit. Their sofa toss-up is a few degrees higher than Franco’s one-on- one and threesomes. This daddy still has the magic! Luscious and de-buxomed Lola Ferreri’ on the other hand’ is the best female performer here. She took the rug under blonde European minx Dora by strutting her stuff in that blistering chain-and-leather lap dance number. She is phenomenal here! Her scene with Gabriel Montoya really sizzled if it weren’t for the lack of experimentation in the sex. These two should have done more. The ingredients were there. They both had heat. They both had the inclination. What stopped them was the director.Overall’ “The Collectionistas” isn’t really bad nor is it good. It just doesn’t seem to hit the mark. Unfortunately’ this movie came out as fully unrealized porn with an idea of a story. You know this movie is just about to fail you’ when it scrambles to resolve the overlapping plotlines within the last two minutes’ and fails.”